A narcissistic mother is unable to give their child the full attention and validation they need to feel loved and emotionally secure. This may impact the child's beliefs, behaviors, and self-esteem well into adulthood.
Many narcissists have mommy issues, generally because they found it difficult to form a healthy relationship with their parents. Men raised by narcissistic mothers are likelier to show narcissistic traits because their mothers put them on a pedestal, giving them ideas of superiority and boosting their egos.
Studies have shown that the permissive parenting style is most likely to foster narcissism in a child. Permissive parents are often overly indulgent and provide too much praise, failing to set limits or provide structure for their kids.
To summarize, overparenting, lack of warmth, leniency, overvaluation and childhood maltreatment have all been associated with higher levels of narcissism. However, these parenting behaviours have often been examined in isolation or in different combinations, with mixed findings.
The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They may never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
You see, not only will a narcissist subject their children to all the usual abusive behaviours that they subject everyone else to, but at the same time, they view their children as extensions of themselves; as not being separate from them.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic parents are often emotionally abusive to their children, holding them to impossible and constantly changing expectations. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are highly sensitive and defensive. They tend to lack self-awareness and empathy for other people, including their own children.
The condition is believed to be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, including exposure to parental narcissism. Narcissistic individuals are often vain, have low self-esteem, and feel entitled. They may be unsympathetic and have little empathy for others' feelings.
It's a phenomenon called the narcissistic abuse cycle. This cycle is broken down into three important phases: idealization, devaluation, and rejection. By understanding these key points, people who are struggling with narcissism or those who are in a relationship with a narcissist can get the help they need.
Summary. The borderline mother is likely to be warmer, more fun, and less scary than the narcissist mother; but she may also be over-emotional and find the day-to-day responsibilities of child care overwhelming. The narcissistic mother is likely to be better organized, but less empathic and flexible.
Codependent parent vs narcissistic parent
Codependents feel responsible for others' feelings and happiness8. Parents like these are obsessed with their children's needs. Instead of tending to their own feelings, they take on the emotions of their children. Narcissistic parents, on the other hand, are self-absorbed.
They'll likely lash out in anger.
In response, they'll often fly into a narcissistic rage. It's totally unfair to you that they're acting this way, so try not to take it personally. Protect yourself by keeping your distance from this person. They might yell or call you names.
Unfortunately, this doesn't change when narcissists have children. The narcissist parent sees their child merely as a possession who can be used to further their own self-interests. They often have issues with boundaries, both physically and emotionally, and unload a lot of emotional baggage onto their kids.
According to Dr. Malkin, there are three basic types of narcissistic parents — classic (extroverted), covert (introverted) and communal. It's important to understand these different types so you can better understand (and heal) from your experience growing up.
Narcissistic parenting adversely affects the psychological development of children, affecting their reasoning and their emotional, ethical, and societal behaviors and attitudes. Personal boundaries are often disregarded with the goal of molding and manipulating the child to satisfy the parent's expectations.
For example, a narcissist might offer an insincere apology to get something in return. They might apologize to make themselves out in a victim position or to repair the damage that's been done to their image. There are narcissists who don't apologize for their actions.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'”
Narcissistic parents may compulsively undercut their children, both intentionally and collaterally. Adultifying, infantilizing, and gaslighting are just a few of the common forms of sabotage narcissistic parents may engage in.
Many narcissistic mothers idealize their young son. They build his confidence and sense of importance. As he matures and challenges her control, she disparages his emerging individuality and tries to correct and change him. To boost her ego, she may brag about her son to her friends, but is critical at home.
For many narcissists, siblings are a vital component of narcissistic supply, often due to your position of vulnerability and powerlessness as a child, and you become the target of your brother or sister's desperate and insatiable search for psychological cohesion and consolidation of their disordered beliefs.