Narcissists have an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by a narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style.
Growing up with narcissistic caregivers or having other close relationships with a narcissist early in life can increase the chances of developing an insecure attachment style. Attachment styles describe a person's way of relating to others and how valuable and worthy they feel.
Individuals with histories of childhood neglect and physical abuse had higher levels of anxious attachment style in adulthood, whereas neglect predicted avoidant attachment as well.
You may struggle with trust issues in all aspects of your life, including personal relationships, friendships, work interactions, or even contact with family members. You may also experience insecure attachment, which means that you may constantly feel that people will leave or betray you.
The Attachment Style of Children of Narcissists
Children of narcissists are most likely to have a disorganised attachment style. People with NPD have usually come from a home with at least one parent with NPD and therefore they are also likely to have disorganised attachments.
An avoidant person, with no one else to blame, may resort to narcissism (a falsely elevated sense of self), introversion (unaccountable to others), or perfectionism (rigidly accountable to self). The narcissist elevates self at the expense of others, believing self to be superior.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
What Is Trauma Bonding? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissist repeats a cycle of abuse with another person which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused.
Long-term abuse can change a victim's brain, resulting in cognitive decline and memory loss. In turn, the changes in the brain can increase the risk for chronic stress, PTSD, and symptoms of self-sabotage.
Narcissistic Parenting
Narcissistic personalities are incapable of providing the empathetic attunement that infants and children need to form secure attachment patterns. This is because they lack the self-regulation, emotional maturity, and capacity for intimate connection needed to form trusting bonds with anyone.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
Anxious and avoidant relationships are considered unhealthy or insecure attachments. They can often lead to relationships that cause you great anxiety, distress, or emotional pain. Alternatively, you can also form attachments to objects. These attachment objects can play a role in how safe you feel.
Fearful-Avoidant, aka Disorganized Attachment
The fearful-avoidant attachment style is the rarest, and "develops when the child's caregivers — the only source of safety — become a source of fear," according to the Attachment Project, an attachment style education site.
Victims often find themselves ruminating over the abuse and hearing the abuser's voice in their minds, amplifying their negative self-talk and tendency towards self-sabotage. Malignant narcissists program and condition their victims to self-destruct sometimes even to the point of driving them to suicide.
After the break-up, people will experience an obsessive longing for their abusive partner (drug), debilitating emotional pain, and often engage in self-destructive behavior. This emotional response is why some people feel incapacitated by the hurt and obsess about hooking up with an ex-partner for more abuse.
Is it possible to fully recover from narcissistic abuse? It can take years to fully recover from the damage that was done because of the psychological manipulation that you have endured. That being said, moving past the abuse and achieving full recovery is entirely possible with professional help.
The four stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle are: Idealization, Devaluation, Repetition, and Discard. In this cycle, a narcissistic partner may love-bomb you, devalue your sense of self over time, repeat the pattern, and eventually, discard you and/or the relationship.
Through ongoing gaslighting and demeaning of the partner, the narcissist undermines the individual's self-worth and self-confidence, creating extreme emotional abuse that is constant and devastating.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Often, NPD will begin in the teenage years or early adulthood. Personality disorders are typically diagnosed at 18 years or older, according to Hallett.