A controlling person is someone who attempts to maintain control, authority, and/or decision-making power over other people and situations. Controlling behavior can include everything from directly telling someone what they can or cannot do to more discreet methods like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, possessiveness.
A controlling partner might undermine your confidence and make you feel insecure, putting you down in private and/or public. For example, they might criticise the way you dress or how you spend your time, exaggerate your 'flaws', or make fun of you in front of others but pass it off as 'just a joke'.
What is a Type A personality? A Type A personality likes to be in control of their environment and their lives. They're normally not very detail-oriented, choosing to delegate details to others.
Some potential causes of controlling behavior are: low self-esteem; being micromanaged or controlled by someone else; traumatic past experiences; a need to feel in-control; or a need to feel 'above' someone else.. None of these have to do with you, the victim of inappropriate control.
Causes of Controlling Behavior
The most common are anxiety disorders and personality disorders. People with anxiety disorders feel a need to control everything around them in order to feel at peace. They may not trust anyone else to handle things the way they will.
Controlling behavior isn't always physical aggression and outright demands. In fact, if someone doesn't know what to watch out for, it's possible they won't even realize they're being controlled. Here's why some people are controlling, behaviors to look out for, and how to deal with any controlling people in your life.
Particularly in chronic trauma—continued exposure to domestic violence, abuse of any form, war, poverty, and others—victims usually reported that they felt powerless to stop or change their circumstances. Victims of chronic trauma may lose the ability to make decisions in their lives.
In terms of personality-type theory, control freaks are very much the Type A personality, driven by the need to dominate and control. An obsessive need to control others is also associated with antisocial personality disorder.
As for personality disorders, control issues are common. Controlling behaviors are symptoms of several personality disorders, including histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder.
Another common trait of narcissism is manipulative or controlling behavior. A narcissist will at first try to please you and impress you, but eventually, their own needs will always come first. When relating to other people, narcissists will try to keep people at a certain distance in order to maintain control.
Students with emotional control difficulties may: have a low tolerance for frustration or criticism; appear to overreact, or react more strongly than their peers; be prone to fight/flight/freeze responses such as outbursts, meltdowns, or shutting down.
There is a very fine line of difference between caring and controlling making it very difficult to distinguish between the two. While caring arises from a sense of selflessness and love, controlling usually starts with feelings of insecurity and resentment.
Controllers as Toxic:
When you relate to a controller, you tend to feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained. You risk losing yourself while in a relationship with a controller. At their worst, a controller can be abusive and violent.
Controlling, or manipulative behaviour is one of the key traits of a personality disorder called psychopathy. Thomas Erikson: Psychopaths, they are drawn to control, they are drawn to power, they are drawn to attention as a part of their narcissistic behaviour.
Healthy habits like meditation, priming and visualization can help you ease anxiety, focus your energy and allow you some breathing room to work on how to not be controlling. Self-care is another essential practice if you have a need for control.
Understanding Controlling People
Insecurity — Controlling behavior is often the result of fear or insecurity on the part of the controller, despite the image of strength and confidence he or she often projects.
At the core of an overcontrolled personality and coping style is a tendency to have too much self-control, exhibiting as behavioral and cognitive inflexibility, high inhibition of emotion, high detail-focused processing and perfectionism, and a lack of social connectedness.
overbearing. adjective. an overbearing person always tries to control other people's behaviour and ignores their opinions and feelings.
It may be possible for a controlling person to change their behavior over time with psychotherapy if a relationship is unhealthy and not abusive. However, if a relationship involves abuse, a person's behavior could escalate to physical violence.
Don't try to control a control freak.
Judith Orloff advises, "Be healthily assertive rather than controlling. Stay confident and refuse to play the victim. Most important, always take a consistent, targeted approach." Control freaks love a good power struggle; playing into it never ends well.