The purpose of the hero child is to bring honor back to the family's image and identity. It's disgraced by the presence of addiction. The hero child's public presentation saves face for the family both to themselves and to the others.
The 'hero' role is applied to over-achieving children who are given high amounts of praise and positive attention for their success. However the 'Hero' child risks becoming dependent on success in the future, meaning they have a huge risk of failure and can carry more responsibility than necessary.
The “Hero” or “Responsible Child”
The hero or responsible child is often wise and mature beyond their years. They are self-sufficient, perfectionistic, and over-achievers. Typically ambitious and constantly striving to be better and successful, they often seem composed and look like they have it all together.
The Lost Child
The “lost child” is the family member who retreats from family dysfunction due to feeling overwhelmed. They can spend a lot of time alone, pursue singular interests, and/or struggle to establish or maintain relationships with others.
The five types are the authoritarian family, the passive-aggressive family, the enmeshed family, the disengaged family and the substance abusing family. Understanding these five types of dysfunctional families can help you identify unhealthy patterns in your own relationships and work towards creating healthier ones.
The Golden Child is greatly valued by their narcissistic parent for a variety of reasons–these form a heavy load for the child to carry. Within the dysfunctional family, the golden child learns early on that their role is to please their parent and live out their parent's own unfulfilled ambitions.
A family scapegoat is a person who takes on the role of 'black sheep' or 'problem child' in their family and gets shamed, blamed, and criticized for things that go wrong within the family unit, even when these things are entirely outside of their control.
The golden child is usually the offspring of one or two narcissistic parents, Hafeez says. These parents use their children to show off their own perfection. Narcissistic parents control and manipulate their child's life to ensure that the child upholds the parents' "perfect" image and reputation.
Some Golden Children do become narcissists, while others do not. It depends on a number of factors, including how severely narcissistic the parent was, and whether the Golden Child received any emotional support from other family members or friends.
The scapegoat child is emotionally deprived, devalued and trapped by the parent. The child comes to believe they are defective and undeserving. These beliefs can plague the individual into adulthood. Scapegoating reflects the narcissistic parent's own emotional disturbance – NOT the child's.
The hero child is likely an overachiever, throws themselves into their school activities, gets high grades, and so on. They rarely get into trouble and have a longing for approval. The public good name of their family rides on their shoulders.
In order to act heroically, kids need to have enough confidence in their interpersonal skills that they can stand up for what they believe in. Teaching positive conflict resolution, grit and the growth mindset can really help with this.
It now means someone who is courageous ("The firefighter who saved my baby is a hero."). Heroes are "heroic", they have "heroism". They help in saving people or a society from bad people, villains, or natural disasters. A hero can also be someone who is helpful, polite, or helping people who need it.
Based on our literature review, three broad categories of hero functions are accounted for: enhancing, moral modeling, and protecting.
Learning about heroes like Lewis, researchers say, can inspire kids with reverence and awe – and motivate them to be heroic themselves. Heroes exemplify cherished values, display qualities we admire, show us how to overcome challenges – and call us to stand up for others.
Studies show that donning a super identity can help children develop moral values. Superhero play allows them to explore abstract ideas of good and bad, death and pain, and all in a safe environment. And most importantly, pretending to be super gives children a sense of control over a world that can seem big and scary.
In the dysfunctional narcissistic family system, the golden child is the most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. Sibling abuse by a favored narcissistic brother usually follows a predictable pattern of behavior. There are strategies that can help protect you from a narcissistic brother's abuse.
But children who were extremely melodramatic, and who also had parents that ignored or neglected them, spoiled them constantly, or insisted on perfection, were more likely to become narcissists in adulthood.
“Parents tend to favour a child that is most like them, reminds them of themselves, or represents what they view as a success of parenting,” she says. “Younger children are most likely to have been raised by a parent who, over time and experience, is more confident and skilled in their child-raising.”
Implications of Golden Child Syndrome in Adulthood
Victims of golden child syndrome may become emotionally unavailable as adults. It affects their relationship with their family and partner. Their primary focus is maintaining an appealing facade instead of genuine investment in relationships.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
The Golden Child is trained to not support the Scapegoat, and to treat as less than, to neglect and to be unaware of their needs, just like the narcissist.
Black sheep of the family is someone who is marginalised, scapegoated, misunderstood. They may be particularly sensitive, emotionally intense, curious, and are wired differently. When the family has identified a person as the black sheep, all members project unwanted negative traits onto the scapegoat.
Monopolizing conversations; demanding constant attention. Disrespecting boundaries; feeling entitled that they needn't comply with others' wishes. Betraying confidence. Launching “campaigns” against others: making themselves look perfect and their sibling look like the “crazy” one.
Narcissists don't treat their families with kindness & respect. From the Narcissist's point of view, you are lowly compared to them. Therefore, expect rude, combative, and blaming behavior. Their ego is most threatened by those closest to them because you all know their secrets.