Conditional love doesn't feel good. It's not a tried-and-true love and often it can cause deep pain to those on the receiving end. If someone is making you feel unworthy of love, even at your darkest times, this person is offering conditional love which, as we will learn, is contrary to the very definition of love.
Conditional love refers to love that is only shared if certain conditions are met. It means that someone may impose rules on how they show love to you. Unconditional love is love that is given freely, without any conditions or requirements to meet.
Conditional love is characterised by Jealousy, envy, suspiciousness, being controlling and manipulative, being passive aggressive by deceiving, and cheating. All these behaviors and attitudes express internal lacking and wanting that craves being satisfied.
Unconditional love can be unhealthy, damaging, and destructive if it exists with no boundaries. If your needs are not being met, it is important to establish limits on what you are willing to accept in the relationship.
Unconditional love can also be unhealthy if it exists without boundaries. Feelings of love can sometimes cause us to be blind to what's really going on. If you are showing someone unconditional love, but there is no mutual care and respect in that relationship, this is unhealthy unconditional love, explains Tzall.
Unfortunately, narcissists are unable to put the happiness of anyone else ahead of their own. Nor can they offer unconditional love to another due to their obsession with status and achievement. One of the narcissistic traits that makes it so hard for narcissists to love another is their lack of empathy.
Narcissistic love is always conditional. Relationships with a narcissist are never about partnership because the nature of narcissistic love is a one-sided, mental and/or physical connection that dictates the emotional terms of the relationship.
Conditional love is selfish -- “I will love you only if you. . .” It is controlling -- someone else becomes the authority for our life. Our pursuit of approval restricts what we think and do and creates anxiety about triggering the other person's anger and losing the love we so crave.
The Difference
People who experience unconditional love feel secure in their relationship and feel comfort in knowing that even if they struggle or misstep, they will always have a safe place to fall back on for support. Whereas, in conditional love, people oftentimes feel a lack of stability and trust.
If anything, unconditional love is toxic. On the other hand, conditional love is conducive to healthy relationships. It's a way of setting healthy boundaries and expectations in relationships that allow you to maintain respect for yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
Some authors make a distinction between unconditional love and conditional love. In conditional love, love is "earned" on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is "given freely" to the loved one "no matter what".
Conditional love doesn't feel good. It's not a tried-and-true love and often it can cause deep pain to those on the receiving end. If someone is making you feel unworthy of love, even at your darkest times, this person is offering conditional love which, as we will learn, is contrary to the very definition of love.
Acceptance. Just like the five stages of grief, the last stage of letting go of a conditional relationship is acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that the love was conditional and hence, the need to move beyond it. Accepting provides a conclusion to the whole ordeal and helps us in a fresh start.
Where tough love says: “I love you, but..” unconditional positive regard with conditional response says: “I care about you, and…” Some of you may be using the phrase “tough love” to describe an approach more like unconditional positive regard with a conditional response to behavior/choices.
Truth 1: Narcissists fall in love with their fantasy of you.
They fall in love with their projections of whomever they currently idealize as the perfect mate. They can sound convincingly in love, but that is because they temporarily believe in the fantasy version of you created in their mind.
Narcissists may show you love and act in loving ways, but this tends to be conditional, in that displays of love depend on what you can give them in return. For people with NPD, relationships tend to be transactional. Love is not self-serving, proud, boastful, exploitative, or envious.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
Narcissistic relationships can last anywhere from a few days or weeks to many years. There are anecdotal observations suggesting that the average length of a narcissistic relationship is around six months, but no empirical evidence supports this claim.
Many people naively believe that they can cure the narcissist by engulfing him with love, acceptance, compassion and empathy. This is not so. The only time a transformative healing process occurs is when the narcissist experiences a severe narcissistic injury, a life crisis.
The purest form of love is selflessness.
Unrequited love refers to having romantic feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way. It can be a painful experience, but there are ways to cope and move on. You may find it helpful to reflect on your feelings, work with a therapist, set boundaries, and learn more about attachment theory and relationships.