In your own honest way, tell her the magnitude of your regret, and how upset you for hurting her. “Say what you feel, but don't act up, dramatize, or be fake,” Badinter says. “If you still love your girlfriend, and you really are sorry, your apology will be sincere and she'll feel it,” he adds.
#2 Write your apology for cheating
Tell your partner that you're aware of the pain you've caused, and stress the fact that you were wrong. Let your partner know they didn't deserve it, and you feel intense remorse over whatever you did. Avoid over-explaining yourself.
Though confessing to what you did doesn't minimize the fact that you cheated, it does prevent the damage that could be caused by keeping a secret. So here's your damage control plan, according to Skyler: Tell them, take accountability, be remorseful, and try to move forward by re-building trust.
In practice, it tends to be uncommon for a relationship to survive instances of cheating. One study found that only about 16 percent of couples who'd experienced unfaithfulness were able to work it out.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
Focus on the future, not the past. It's easy to get down on yourself about cheating, but dwelling on the past will only keep you hostage. Practice thought-stopping when guilty feelings emerge. Rather than entertaining them, ask yourself “What now?” and try to continuously take positive action that moves you forward.
Stick with the truth.
Try to be as straightforward as possible and do not leave out any details. You may think that leaving out some of the details of your affair may be a good idea, but only offering up a partial confession will end up making you feel worse.
I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'm sending you this apology message in a card to let you know that I love everything about you, for always, every single day. I want nothing more than for you to forgive me so that I can whisper in your ear how much I love you. The perfect couple love, laugh, fight and trust.
It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement.
For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don't actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while. They're not looking for another person; they're looking for hidden versions of themselves. Insecurity.
In your own honest way, tell her the magnitude of your regret, and how upset you for hurting her. “Say what you feel, but don't act up, dramatize, or be fake,” Badinter says. “If you still love your girlfriend, and you really are sorry, your apology will be sincere and she'll feel it,” he adds.
Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.
There is no set time for affair recovery.
However, there can be a period of healing. During this time, you and your spouse will take specific steps towards healing. Even better, this period is not even that long. Most of it can take anywhere between 8-10 weeks.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).
There's no definitive answer as to whether you should forgive a cheater. It's up to you to make that decision to forgive and it's important to remember that forgiveness is a strength. You need to think long and hard about what you want out of a relationship.
Well, you are not alone if you don't know what to do next to help you feel close and loving again. The good news is that it's never too late to start over. As you will see in this video, great couples know how to come back together after a conflict. They develop a toolbox of making-up techniques.
What are the long-term effects of being cheated on? If you've been cheated on, it may take a long time to heal. It can cause you chronic anxiety, post-traumatic stress, depression, and mistrust of others for a long time after the event.
Although telling could make the cheater feel better for getting the affair off their chest, it could put their partner in a not-so-great position where they feel bad about themselves or like they can't trust the cheater anymore. "The details [of the affair] aren't as important as the why [you did it]," Nelson said.
Confessing is crucial if you're invested in someone other than your partner, she adds. That's because your affair could be a sign that some elements—say, sexual intimacy or other kinds of closeness—are missing from your current relationship, and you'll need to address them if you want your union to survive.