Someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) may start giving you the silent treatment. Manipulation, difficulty controlling and regulating emotions, and the consequences of fear of abandonment are the most common causes of this behavior.
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships.
The silent treatment is more common in narcissism. When someone with BPD goes silent, it is not to punish the other person or to feel in control. It is because the situation evokes an early traumatic experience. The destructive and hurtful behaviours are a reaction to deep emotional pain.
A person with quiet BPD is more likely to stuff down their emotions, so it's even more important to show them that it's okay to feel what they are feeling. Help them practice self-soothing strategies. by making them a cup of tea, playing calming music, or getting them involved in an enjoyable hobby.
As with 'classic BPD', you have a deep fear of abandonment, but instead of fighting for attachment in the form of clinginess, in quiet BPD you believe you deserve to be abandoned. The self-loathing can drive you to isolate yourself for days and weeks.
Traumatic childhood experiences: Situational factors that may increase someone's risk of developing BPD include experiencing abuse, neglect or prolonged exposure to stress as a child.
Stonewalling may also be a direct result of a disorder, such as borderline personality disorder or narcissism that causes someone to manipulate others by freezing them out. This behavior also becomes manipulative when, despite evidence, a person denies they are stonewalling someone.
Of the 1.4% of adults in the United States2 living with BPD, a common thread that runs through them is a special connection to a person in their lives. This individual is often described as their 'favorite person,' and may be anyone from a teacher, to a best friend, or even a family member.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
While these symptoms are common with BPD, quiet BPD manifests differently. With quiet BPD, you'll likely try to hide these symptoms from others, resulting in intense periods of anger, guilt, or shame directed toward yourself. You may hide impulsive behaviors or try to repress your moods.
Studies have found that there are clear links between BPD and memory loss. One such study determined that BPD patients displayed enhanced instances of memory loss in response to the presentation of negative emotions. 1 This is thought to occur because of other severe dissociative symptoms that sufferers experience.
Fear of Abandonment
Physical touch can be interpreted as a sign of intimacy and closeness. For someone with BPD, who struggles with a fear of abandonment, touch might stir up feelings of vulnerability and fear, leading to avoiding physical contact.
Loneliness may be common with BPD, but it's not impossible to overcome. There are many strategies you can use to feel less alone, such as joining a support group, taking classes, caring for an animal, and finding new ways to communicate with your loved ones. You may also want to consider engaging in therapy.
Someone with BPD might also push someone away in order to “test” whether the person will stay with them or come back to them after being pushed away.
Chronic Emptiness and Fear of Abandonment
In this example, the dissociation—as a symptom of BPD—set up the gaslighting. Once this spark is ignited, other symptoms of BPD make the experience and the relationship worse. BPD is a perfect storm for introducing gaslighting into relationships.
From experience and from what I've see thus far, the main two reasons those with borderline personality disorder ghost is they are overwhelmed with socializing or they didn't want to hurt your feelings. Sometimes, it can be both as well.
Examples of BPD splitting behavior include: Perceiving everything in black and white: Splitting forces the person into a position of thinking that everything is either perfect or awful, and since life is full of struggles and disappointments, they will usually see things as awful.
Common triggers of BPD rage can include: Emotionally challenging situations that seem threatening. Situations where the person fears abandonment. BPD splitting, which is a type of black-and-white thinking where people see things as either all-good or all-bad.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Borderline personality disorder directly affects how one feels about him or herself, one's behaviors as well as how an individual can relate to others. Psychoanalytic theorists assert that individuals with BPD are often intolerant of being alone, which may be caused by experiencing “annihilation anxiety…
For people with borderline personality disorder, according to a new study by McLean Hospital (Belmont, Massachusetts) psychologist Hannah Parker et al., (2019), social isolation may become a chronic condition that poses significant mental as well as physical health risks.
To protect yourself from narcissists who use the silent treatment, you need to become your own advocate. This means that you are responsible for creating boundaries, enforcing consequences, sharing your emotions, and speaking up for yourself. You can't let others violate you and make you feel small.