When you feel lonely, it's usually because you aren't quite satisfied with what you have, whether it's in that moment or throughout your life, Cacioppo explains. And until you're able to pinpoint and then address what you're dissatisfied with, you'll feel isolated, left out, and in need of companionship.
Many of us feel lonely from time to time. Feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone's experience will be different. Some people describe loneliness as the feeling we have when our need for social contact and relationships isn't met. But loneliness isn't the same as being alone.
It's characterized by constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level. It can also be accompanied by deeply rooted feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, or social anxiety.
When someone feels lonely they are more likely to try to distract themselves with the other things in their lives. So if your colleague is always talking about their stamp collection, or always flying away on exotic solo city breaks rather than spending weekends at home, they might be feeling alone.
The more lonely you've been over your life, the more likely you are to have conditions that affect your heart health: obesity, high blood pressure, and bad cholesterol levels, for example. And women who are lonely may be more likely to get coronary heart disease.
The key difference between being lonely and being alone is emotional attachment. Being alone is a state of being, while loneliness is a feeling. We can be perfectly happy being by ourselves, but we can also be lonely even if we're with a group of people.
Young adults averaged 47.87, while those 65 and older, often assumed to be the most at risk of loneliness, scored an average of 40—the lowest score of any generational group. Simply living through a transitional stage of life into adulthood in today's world can be a lonely experience.
A brain imaging study showed that feeling ostracized actually activates our neural pain matrix. In fact, several studies show that ostracizing others hurts us as much as being ostracized ourselves. We can hypothesize that, similarly, loneliness is associated with the pain matrix.
The reason you have no friends may be because you are shy, uncomfortable interacting with others, or simply don't go places that would lead to meeting new people. You don't have friends may have a lot to do with your mindset.
Loneliness May Make Us More Hostile and Pessimistic
Because lonely people often don't have anyone looking out for them, they end up being hypervigilant to potential threats. This kind of thinking turns into a vicious cycle, according to a study published in the journal Psychology and Aging in March 2020.
While it may feel you're sad for no reason, something is likely causing your negative mood. Many factors can contribute to chronic sadness. “The changes in the seasons, feeling stressed or overwhelmed, feeling jealous or left out, being tired or hungry… any type of emotional change can come across as sadness.”
Physical signs of loneliness may include cold or flu-like symptoms that linger longer than usual, headaches, body aches, and insomnia or hypersomnia. With loneliness and isolation, attention is more inwardly focused.
Older adults are at increased risk for loneliness and social isolation because they are more likely to face factors such as living alone, the loss of family or friends, chronic illness, and hearing loss. Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact.
"Lacking encouragement from family or friends, those who are lonely may slide into unhealthy habits," Valtorta says. "In addition, loneliness has been found to raise levels of stress, impede sleep and, in turn, harm the body. Loneliness can also augment depression or anxiety."
Loneliness affects people in different ways, and for this reason there are four distinct types of loneliness identified by psychologists: emotional, social, situational and chronic.
If you've experienced ongoing feelings of loneliness, it can have negative effects on your physical health. It could lead to weight gain, sleep deprivation, poor heart health, and a weakened immune system. Loneliness can also put your body under more stress than normal.
To be happy alone, experts say that it can help to try exercising, spending time in nature, or volunteering. Taking a break from social media or adopting a pet can also help you feel less lonely.
In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: almost half (49%) report having 3 or fewer close friends. over one-third (36%) report having between 4 and 9 close friends.
If you often think, "I have no friends," you might wonder if it is normal or okay to feel that way. While research suggests that friendship can be important for your well-being, this doesn't mean that you have to be surrounded by other people or have a long list of close friends to be happy or healthy.