“Love bombing is characterized by excessive attention, admiration, and affection with the goal to make the recipient feel dependent and obligated to that person,” says licensed therapist Sasha Jackson, LCSW. To the recipient, love bombing feels like bliss because of the dopamine and endorphin boost they experience.
What is love bombing? It is the process in a relationship when a person showers a lot of affection and attention on the other person in the beginning of the relationship. This further changes to emotional abuse over time and turns toxic. The issue of love bombing lies in the fact that it can get very addictive.
Why Do People Love Bomb? Many love bombers are narcissists who use their behavior as a manipulative tactic to get what they want: you. “The psychological reasoning behind love bombing is, 'I need to get you to trust me,'” says Peykar. “'I need you to keep your eye on me and not somebody else.
“Much like falling in love, [love bombing] has been shown to release happy hormones like serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine and norepinephrine,” noted Sanam Hafeez, a New York-based neuropsychologist and the director of the Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services practice.
Although anyone can do it, love bombing is most often associated with people who have an anxious or insecure attachment style or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People can also pick up on this behavior by learning it from their parents (like passive-aggression) or from past abusive relationships.
Love bombing is a term used to describe a pattern of behaviors frequently seen in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Some red flags for trauma bonding can look like… Love bombing. Love bombing can be the start of an abusive cycle, and part of what establishes the trauma bond.
Anyone can fall for this trick, but some people are particularly vulnerable to love bombing. Love bombers tend to prey on those who have low self-esteem, who are people pleasers and those who grew up in narcissistic households or had hurtful past experiences.
Love bombers tend to continue until the person is either sufficiently seduced or makes it clear they won't succumb to their efforts. Many people will see the exaggerated gestures and declarations as a red flag and get out.
Love bombing abuse directly targets an individual's psychological well-being and mental health. Evidence demonstrates that emotional abuse in relationships can lead to feelings of loneliness and despair, as well as anxiety, guilt, powerlessness, over-compliance, and frequent crying.
Contrary to the popular assumption, not all love-bombing is calculated or intended to be harmful. The behavior ranges from being something that is relatively innocent albeit naïve, to being emotionally devastating or even life-threatening, such as when carried out by leaders of cults.
Love bombing typically takes place during a courtship phase that can last days or weeks. It may even last for months if you seem more resistant. Ultimately, there's no set timeline for love bombing. It can continue until your partner feels they've established the necessary level of control.
Not all grand displays of love are love bombing. When it's a genuine connection, you'll likely feel more positive and receptive to the grand gestures, whereas love bombing is intense and makes you feel uncomfortable — which isn't a sign of a healthy relationship.
How long does love bombing usually last? Love bombing is typically a phase within a relationship. It may last for weeks, months, years, or even longer.
Love bombing is commonly associated with narcissism. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) see themselves as special and deserving of admiration. They feel entitled and disrespect the needs of others. This does not stem from self-love but rather the fear of being undesired.
Our body remembers how it felt to be near the narcissist. We long to be close to him or her again because it was exactly what we believed we needed; it felt like what we needed; it was what we needed. Think of the narcissistic relationship like a heroin addiction, or a cocaine addiction.
Stage Two - Devaluing
Once the initial love bombing phase is over, and the individual is suitably in love, loyal and enmeshed in the relationship the next stage of devaluation begins.
Set boundaries to assert your independence. One of the best ways to save yourself from being love-bombed is to speak up. Communicate about your romantic expectations and set clear boundaries. Be clear about what you really want.
Feeling comfortable with someone quickly can be a good sign, but saying "I love you," making plans to meet the parents, move in together, or get married early on can be signs your partner is trying too hard to get close before fully knowing you. "Love bombing goes hard and fast," Spinelli says.
If you reject the love bombing, the love bomber may not respect your wishes. They may try to gaslight you, so you question your own reality. They may try to convince you that it is true love and it is sincere. It's important to create healthy boundaries in any relationship.
In fact, the love language of the narcissist is to get you to do all the work of the relationship. They feel “loved” when you are proving your love and loyalty. They believe you are invested into the relationship when you invest more into them than you invest in you.
What Comes After Love Bombing With a Narcissist? Love bombing is the narcissist's first step in gaining control over you. Once you are committed to them, they tend to become demanding, cruel, argumentative, and aggressive. In other words, after love bombing comes abuse.
Toxic relationships hound many people with ADHD, whose persistent symptoms and battered self-esteem make them especially susceptible to “love bombing,” “trauma bonding,” and other romantic red flags. Here, learn how to spot signs of an unhealthy relationship.