Be Direct & Express How You Feel Explain to the person how you're being affected by what they're saying or let them know you're also feeling stressed. While this might be uncomfortable, it reminds the other person that you have feelings, too, which can sometimes keep them from making the conversation all about them.
Focus on non-judgmental, compassionate responses which help reduce shame. You might say “I'm so sorry you had to experience that,” or “you didn't deserve that, and you deserve support now,” or “I want you to know you're not alone,” or “you did what you have to do to survive.”
Addressing feelings like sadness, anger, or confusion could help reduce the urge to trauma dump if the behavior is masking more unpleasant emotions. Communicating. You might feel like it's the perfect opportunity to open up, but asking is the best way to get on the same page.
If you're the one getting dumped on, Becker suggests validating the person's feelings and showing empathy, but telling them you do not feel comfortable being in the conversation. “[Then offer] to help them secure the more helpful person or professional to talk to about this,” she says.
The bottom line
Venting is a healthy way to share negative emotions and reduce stress. But with trauma dumping, you overshare in a way that makes the listener feel overwhelmed or ignored.
Emotional dumping is a toxic form of venting. When you emotionally dump you are unaware of both your own emotional state and the state of the listener. Emotional dumping does not include the consent of the listener and ignores containment within time, topic, and objective.
Most of the time, trauma dumping is not purposefully abusive or manipulative. It's more common for a dumper to be so involved in talking about their traumatic experience that they are unaware of how their story is impacting their listeners.
Emotional dumping on your friends, acquaintances, or strangers without warning or permission is abusive and manipulative—toxic oversharing.
Usually foisted upon loved ones, close friends, or unsuspecting acquaintances, trauma dumping can be a problematic red flag for many, setting off alarm bells that a connection is taking on a toxic edge.
There can be times when trauma dumping becomes more than just uncomfortable. In fact, it could actually push people away. “The harm in trauma dumping is that it often crosses the listener's boundaries. It can also negatively impact their mental health by increasing their anxiety and stress levels,” says Dr.
Signs of Emotional Dumping
You feel like your conversations are always one-sided. You feel like your friend or loved one does not listen to you or take your advice. Your feelings are ignored despite being communicated. You feel more like a therapist than a friend or member of the family.
If you're the partner listening to venting, here's what to offer: no pushback or advice, good eye contact, an occasional nod of acceptance, ideally some empathy (“That sounds really irritating” or “I hear how upset you are.”) What isn't helpful is inserting yourself in any way that obstructs the flow of your partner's ...
What is Toxic Venting? Toxic venting feels like an attack on someone's character. Whether you are the one venting, or you're listening to someone else do it, this communication makes the other person out to be “the bad guy.” This type of bad-mouthing becomes an intense form of gossip.
If your partner is venting, your job to hold space.
Let them complain, understand, validate them and their reality, validate their emotions and express your understanding. That's it. Often people just want to vent. They want your ear to listen, and maybe even a shoulder to cry on.
"It's usually unconscious anxiety that they're venting and just start dumping onto another person as a way to release the energy and frustration, and getting that out can seemingly help a victim of some sort of trauma," she says. There's a fine line between venting and dumping.
Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion, physical arousal, and blunted affect. Most responses are normal in that they affect most survivors and are socially acceptable, psychologically effective, and self-limited.
Emotional dumping is an incredibly common (often addictive) pattern of re-living a past emotional experience in the present. Usually, most people aren't conscious of the reality that they're doing this. They're actually seeking connection.”
THE BASICS
A person who trauma dumps is unconsciously seeking people who have a stronger than average need to be liked or to please others. This need arises—again often unconsciously—from a fear of being rejected or of being unloveable.
Shame dumping is another coping mechanism. What this means is that the shame message is reversed. For example, if someone comes to you and says, “Hey, why didn't you take care of this chore like you said you would?” The person dealing with unhealthy shame may respond with, “Are you serious?
Feeling jittery, nervous or tense.
Women experiencing PTSD are more likely to exhibit the following symptoms: Become easily startled. Have more trouble feeling emotions, experience numbness. Avoid trauma reminders.