A wake, also known as a funeral reception, is an event where close friends and family of the deceased gather together to pay their respects to their loved one. Traditionally, a wake referred to the viewing held before the funeral, but nowadays it's usually held after the funeral or memorial service.
How long after death is a wake? A wake (sometimes referred to as a viewing or visitation) will usually happen within a week of death. So this answer is very similar to that of the question “How long after death is the funeral?” The wake itself typically takes place the evening before the funeral.
In Australia, a wake is sometimes simply known as a gathering, and it is a social event that takes place after the funeral is over.
The name “wake” originated because unknown diseases had plagued the countryside causing some to appear dead. As the family began to mourn, they would awaken. For this reason, the body is waked in the deceased's home for at least one night.
For example, a wake is a more informal time for visitation and remembrance of the dead, whereas a funeral typically contains structured rituals and is often religious in nature. It's common for a family to have both a wake and a funeral in order to commemorate the death of a loved one.
If you cannot attend the funeral, it is acceptable to attend the wake, but be sure to let the family know in advance that you would like to pay your respects in this way and maybe bring a thoughtful gift or flowers to the next of kin to show you are thinking of them.
It's typically considered more important to attend the funeral service. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable only attending the funeral; however, you might like the chance to speak to the family in a more relaxed setting at the visitation. As long as you're kind and respectful, the choice is yours.
When attending a wake, it is customary to bring gifts for family of the deceased. The type of gift you should bring depends on your relationship with the family and the deceased.
Wakes at funeral homes usually only last a few hours and are typically immediately followed by the funeral service. If you're attending the funeral, you may come to the wake at any time and stay for the funeral.
You do not need to have a wake after a funeral, if you do not want to. Some choose not to have a wake at all and keep the funeral service for immediate family and close friends only. You also may choose to hold a wake before a funeral, it's completely up to you.
If it's not possible to pay for the funeral from the estate of the person who died, family and friends are usually expected to pay for it. Read more about the different ways that you may be able to get help with funeral costs.
A funeral wake is simply a gathering of mourners before or after the funeral service, or sometimes, in place of it. In Australia, when we think of a wake it usually consists of the mourners from the service gathering at the deceased's home, or another venue, to eat, drink and share memories of their loved one.
A wake is a Catholic tradition, while people of any faith can do viewing. A funeral wake is typically led by clergy or a priest, whereas a viewing will not. Another difference is that viewing is an informal event, while a funeral wake might be either an informal or formal event.
For approximately the first 3 hours after death the body will be flaccid (soft) and warm. After about 3-8 hours is starts to stiffen, and from approximately 8-36 hours it will be stiff and cold. The body becomes stiff because of a range of chemical changes in the muscle fibres after death.
How soon after death should a funeral be? A funeral is generally arranged within 7 to 14 days from the passing. Time is also needed for the family to cope with the funeral.
Livor mortis usually sets in 20 to 30 minutes after death and increases in intensity until it becomes fixed at about 12 hours. Assessment of livor mortis can be useful in determining the approximate time of death or cause of death, based on the approximate stage of lividity and the specific coloration.
Business casual is typically acceptable. Stay away from festive or fun attire. Sometimes families choose to encourage the celebration of their loved one's life at the wake. If that is the case, wearing festive clothing is totally acceptable.
A wake is a Catholic ceremony and is similar to a viewing or visitation in that it provides mourners the opportunity to offer their condolences and share their grief in an informal environment. The wake may include a vigil, which is a prayer service usually held the evening before the funeral.
If you attend a wake you should approach the family and express your sympathy. As with the condolence visit it is appropriate to relate your memories of the deceased. If you were only acquainted with the deceased (and not the family) you should introduce yourself.
How much money should you offer? A family in need will appreciate any amount of money, so offer as much as you can afford. If you weren't very close to the deceased, you may offer the amount equivalent to a flower arrangement. At the end of the day, it's the gesture that counts the most.
In general, if you're on good terms with your ex-spouse and ex-family, you should attend the funeral. You were a big part of your spouse's life at one time. Even if you've gone separate ways, those memories and feelings are still very real. If you were on good terms, you'll likely be welcome to any funeral events.
The worst things to say at a funeral
Don't tell friends or family members who are grieving that their loved one has gone to a better place. Never call the death a blessing or speculate that it was that person's time. Avoid saying anything that suggests that the loss of the loved one is a positive thing.
During a traditional visitation or wake, it's customary for the body to be displayed in an open casket. Visitors approach the body to pay their respects and say goodbye. This is considered to be a way to honor the deceased person and to get closure. People can even touch the body if they find this to be comforting.